Broken hearts are like the flu...only a billion times worse.  But it's the bittersweetness of it.  I mean, you want it so you can stay home from school, but what's the point of a day off when you feel like you wanna die?

     Everytime I try to break up with Travis it hurts so much.  I get this empty feeling.  Sometimes I want to cry so badly the tears won't come out.  Maybe they aren't there.  I'm not there.  You know that feeling where you are so hungry that you are nauseous?  And you want nothing more than food-but then again you want nothing less because you feel like you'll throw-up.  Like after sex...I can't describe it really.

     But this hurts.  I try and end it to make the pain go away but it's almost unbearable once I do.  I try to give it time-maybe I'll get over it.  But I usually take it back within minutes.  I'm trying not to call.  Not to look if he called.  But  want him to so badly.  When I'm with him and it's not going well, I want to find some one else.  But I know I won't and it's weird because you cheat but then you break up and you want nothing to do with any one else.  Travis is the only person worth kissing or anything anyway.  Every one else feels like being on a kiddie slide that is now the same length as your body.  It wasn't even worth climbing the steps or getting dirty.  Just talking to Travis is like riding a rollercoaster to me.

     I want to marry him.  But it's a dumb idea.  Somehow I just think its better not to put yourself in the position to get hurt.  But in a way, I want him to beg for me back.  I want him to sweep me off my feet-prove me wrong and that he's trustworthy.  I don't know what I'M trying to prove.

     It's funny how you hear of broken hearts but you don't take it literally but the truth is it really does feel like your heart is breaking. 

     It's enough to keep me home sick tomorrow.

Apparently, there is no use attempting to be anonymous.  There is my picture.  And no more fake names.  But still the truth no matter what I solemnly swear.

I HATE PEOPLE.  And rumors.  And gossip.  Enough said.

I am chained to my mistakes

they're poison words are all it takes

to cut me down to ideal size

for feeding me their lowly lies

overused false words turn slowly into fact

and they're history in diaries quicker than you can react

who made these standards anyway

and hell if they're necessary why didn't i have a say

we were brainwashed in our beds

who died and made that clique in charge of planting this shit in our heads

i was too innocent to imagine how good turning the tables would feel

im invincible, the unsuspecting winner, me behind the wheel

my tongue touches his, i see yours touching hers

waves of memory crash over me as everything else blurs

there are a thousand beating hearts in this one, small, chest

as i think of all your lying while my legs being caressed

chorus:

now i have the upper-hand as no evidence will show

this is to rival all the shit you did and thought id never know

because my only souvenir will be the sparkle in my eye

the kind i can detect in you everytime you lie

everytime you lie

why did you have to lie?

you always had to lie

and i guess this is my slap in your face, my knife in your back

its the blood and tears ive spilled for you flooding every crack

they're drowning all my weaknessed that ever made you mad

and mustering the strength in me you thought i never had

and as i hear his breath it sounds like severing ties

with all your false-proved "i love you"s and malicious lies

chorus:

i know that ill fool you like you fooled me

until your friends and tell-tale contradictions made me see

but i will triumph over all you attempts to defeat me in the past

because im choking you with a deceptive rope thats bounding it to last

yeah, choke on your own medicine, im bounding this to last

hes pulling out the shards of glass from promises broken

and swallowing every hurtful word you've ever spoken

now he's taking off my clothes and its like shedding a skin

bruised within this nightmare that ive been living in

i cant make excuses, this is no alibi

but this new guy is a scab over a wound-my dreamcatcher, my lullaby

chorus:

i know this is wrong, but im conjuring reasons why its right

"i bet he's between some one elses sheets tonight"

i was wrapped around his finger now im cutting the string

and all those times he made me beg wont mean a damned thing

get me off this fucking island 'cause im stranded

i was a step above you now look where ive landed

what if hes not up to something?  im sure that he's up to something

he never really loved me anyway

Bridge:

he picks me up above you and throws me on the bed (look who's the strong one now)

but i cant hear what hes saying over your name in my head

even when im off this bed ill remember where i lied (this is to rival all the shit you did)

this is the moment where i took back my heart and committed partial suicide

because a part of me was you somewhere in my chest (this is killing you isn't it?)

and if we both live through this think of it as a test

where i jumped off a cliff to see if i was caught (you were never there for me)

and if i hit the ground below then theres a lesson taught

and by god if i hit water i wont hold my breath at all (im letting go)

afterall i learned to do it well while waiting for your call

the weight that's been ipon my shoulders for so long (im breaking free of this)

gradually relieves itself with each line of this song

empty is better than full of nothing real (this was all fake)

it would take more words than exist to tell you how i feel

I BET YOUR DOING THE SAME THING RIGHT NOW

i feel comfort in the knowlege that i have you to blame

and confidence in ability to sidestep all the shame

and when this night is over there will be no tear shed

no flinch, regret, secret divulged, or guilty hand caught red

this is the first time that your words have consoled me

im not guilty im not guilty